Oh , Foot In Mouth Marathoner
Ugh I did what i didn't want to do, I said something to HG about me and BFF's theory about marathoners and drastic haircutters (see previous blog entry somewhere below). Basically anyone who actually decides to suddenly take up running 26 miles to that drastic of a choice freaks us out-- I mean seriously what is that all about? We conclude these sudden runners are making up for something else and we just haven't figured out what that is exactly but we know we think they are nuts and we question their decision deeply.
HG told me two weeks ago about his plan to run a marathon. I held my breath because:
1. I am trying to do things exactly the opposite of how I normally do things
2. He was so excited and i wanted him to have that
3. I had been on barely three dates with him , so it isn't as if he's my life partner and any of this marathon is going to actually affect me
4. I actually almost died right there in my chair overlooking the pacific ocean in maui.
He was talking last night about saturday being his first day of training and I just kicked open the gate--I said it, I don't recall how or what i said but I did it. And i did it with a sense of humor so I thought i was being all sly and funny-- and 2 seconds after i said it, i realized it wasn't that funny after all.
Not at all.
The silence, the awkward "what do you mean?" and less than intelligent explanation to follow
was pretty weak.
Even WORSE -- he actually told me originally that he is so inspired by me and how "involved" I am with my see & sprout project (seeandsprout.com) that he asked himself "WTF am I doing to contribute to anything outside of myself? and decided he wanted to give back to HIV?AIDS and this was his way. He said i inspired him to kick some marathon ass.
Way to go Stacie. What a loser I am . I mena I can certainly think what I think (because Im not changing my mind) but I don't need to share, especially not with the runner.
Okay so we got through it--we got back to sexy and warm and cute. But I felt pretty shitty because really who am i to judge how someone else gives of themselves to some cause bigger than himself? If I think about it, the main reason I went to volunteer in Thailand is because I had issues BIG ass issues with my heart being crushed and in fact I was walking through something.... I was simply trying to take the focus off of me and all that i was feeling and place it on a cause bigger than myself so i could realize my shit isn;t that big of a deal-- people have it much worse and get over yourself.
I did. it changed me, it changed everything and I will always have that.
BFF told me so, she said don't say anything and we'll just follow it... but I like to crash into the glass door.
So to make matters worse , this morning on the Huffington Post I read this-- this should shut me up for at least this weeks worth of marathon crushing--
BUt I'll be back i'm sure with a whole new way of the marathon because i don't let go that easily.... but for today I am humbled.